WHY???

wow....it has been a while! but this is not going to be a chipper post....because i am not chipper at the moment. i am actually quite bitchy and a little on the sad side.
i have come to the conclusion that there is only ONE person in my life right now that i can count on. and that person is jake.
why do things have to come up with friends all the time? maybe it is my choice of friends? maybe i count on them too much? maybe i just love people without them loving me back...and i never see it.....until waaaay later? well.....whatever it is, i need to do something about it.
in the last week 2 friendships i had have been very tested. and may even be OVER. and i hate it! i think i am a good friend. i love to have people over, and i love to cook them dinner, and i love to just have the "fun" company. so why can a so called friend turn around and tell me that i am FAKE and that i don't care about anyone but myself? really? am i like that? that is deffinently not the impression i try to give off and i have never thought those things of myself....so how could my friend think that?
uhhhhg.....i just want to cry!! but i won't....i will try to be strong, and maybe try to be a better person? but really, if i cared so much about myself and nobody else....i wouldn't have a marriage or kids that loved me. i don't know what to do.
those are my thoughts for now. i hope things get better.....and if i have ever come off that way to anyone else....i am sorry