WOW...where has the time gone??

hello! it has been waaaaay too long since my last post...and it was bitchy...so i will say some positive things in this one :)
things have been going great here. i am a little sick of the cold (ok, a LOT sick of it) but we only have a few more months before it starts warming up....and before i can get my tan back :)
ellie just finished her fist 100 days of kindergarten and they were planning a BIG party for today! along with a valentines party....i cannot wait to see the valentines she brings home! she has been doing AWESOME so far! she has had GREAT report cards and she is enjoying school! she is about 5 inches taller than everyone in her class...so obviously she is taking after my mom. she has recently lost 2 teeth including one of her front ones, so she looks so cute! the tooth fairy needs to get a better job now...ha ha!
and speaking of jobs....jake has been laid off for the past while...so it has been pretty hard around here. it has been soooo weird having him home. fun...but just weird. i need my cassie time, so i have been sending him out to do little odds and ends :) cute lil' jake. i think he gets it.
the other 2 rugrats have been keeping me busy. it is so hard to find things to do inside while the weather is bad...but we manage. kiya is totally into drawing pictures. she seriously draws the CUTEST unicorns...and she is starting to draw people riding them. she wants to be 5 soooooo bad, cause she wants to go to school. so she tells me things like "mom, i folded blankets and cleaned my room, can i be 5 now?" i can wait another year before she goes to school because i have a feeling that we will be getting a lot of phone calls home with her....
masen is growing like a little weed. he thinks he knows EVERYTHING! but i guess he kinda does. he is almost potty trained...which i cannot wait for! he just has issues with the pooping thing, because he doesn't want anyone to see him poop...which i can understand :) he still talks about going hunting allll the time with jake. they sit up and wait for me to get home and watch elk and deer hunting videos. he also LOVES drawing. he draws alligators, frogs, deer, elk...they all kinda look the same...but they are sure cute! and lately he has been telling me "mom you are pretty, and dad, he is just cool" ...and ....everything that he says that is is exciteg, after he is done, he will say "mom/dad....you think thats cool?" i guessthe word cool is pretty....cool!
jake and i are getting ready to go on a little weekend vacation to halfway in a couple weeks. he is going to bring a friend and go horn hunting, and i am bringing liz, so we can go on some awesome hikes and hit up the small town bars :) i'm sure some great pics will come out of that!
hope everyone is well...i will post pics later today!

and p.s.
i am not talking about anyone that was in my last post. i love my sister, brother, katie, sylvia, parents, and in-laws........ and i DO know that they love me back..... so thanks. and at least i still have you all :)

WHY???

wow....it has been a while! but this is not going to be a chipper post....because i am not chipper at the moment. i am actually quite bitchy and a little on the sad side.
i have come to the conclusion that there is only ONE person in my life right now that i can count on. and that person is jake.
why do things have to come up with friends all the time? maybe it is my choice of friends? maybe i count on them too much? maybe i just love people without them loving me back...and i never see it.....until waaaay later? well.....whatever it is, i need to do something about it.
in the last week 2 friendships i had have been very tested. and may even be OVER. and i hate it! i think i am a good friend. i love to have people over, and i love to cook them dinner, and i love to just have the "fun" company. so why can a so called friend turn around and tell me that i am FAKE and that i don't care about anyone but myself? really? am i like that? that is deffinently not the impression i try to give off and i have never thought those things of myself....so how could my friend think that?
uhhhhg.....i just want to cry!! but i won't....i will try to be strong, and maybe try to be a better person? but really, if i cared so much about myself and nobody else....i wouldn't have a marriage or kids that loved me. i don't know what to do.
those are my thoughts for now. i hope things get better.....and if i have ever come off that way to anyone else....i am sorry